“From Dysfunction to Resilience: A Good Road to Travel” by Tom Ersin
Growing up with dysfunction can cause lifelong mental health and emotional issues along with physical disorders caused by extreme chronic (long-term) stress. Seek education and support for yourself if you have a family member or other loved one who has exhibited persistent dysfunctional behavior. Whether or not that person wants or gets help, you’ll learn what you can do to help yourself. If you grew up with a parent or guardian who was that member, learn how to break the cycle, get yourself well, and raise children to go out into the world without the emotional baggage you had.
Dysfunction often originates with a parent/guardian or spouse/partner who perpetuates one or more of the following:
Alcoholism or other chemical dependency (aka alcohol use disorder or other substance use disorder)
Other addiction/compulsion (gambling, food, etc.)
Emotional or physical abuse
Abandonment
Hyper rigid household rules
Anger and rage issues
Mental health issues such as clinical depression, sociopathy (antisocial behavior), personality disorder, or other condition
In Part B, we address the many components of resilience: the ability to endure and recover from stressful periods or traumatic events in life and come out better and stronger on the other side. For many of us, the period could comprise a childhood (or adulthood) with one or more dysfunctional family relationships. Or the event could be a single occurrence such as a physical assault, emotional trauma, or consequential personal failure. Resilience is the capacity to bounce back from tragedy or tribulation, not only to recover from hardship but benefit from negative experiences and emerge mentally strengthened. Most anyone can learn to increase resilience.
Regarding personal growth, some people are in the flourishing stage, that is, they have no significant mental or emotional roadblocks to overcome, and they’re simply seeking self-improvement: enhanced relationships and happiness; increased meaning and purpose; deeper life engagement. They’re looking to thrive rather than just coast, swim rather than merely tread water.
Conversely, other people still are digging out of codependent confusion. There’s no one explanation for a person’s severe emotional debility. It’s always some combination of initial causes, trauma, an extended sense of victimhood. It could be years of denial and negative cycles of reasoning: “Stinkin’ thinkin’” is the technical term used in counseling school. It’s common in spouses and adult children of alcoholics. We now also know that other family issues such as parental absence, toxic control and manipulation, and emotional abuse perpetrated by a guardian or partner can have the same effects — two sides of the same dysfunctional coin. In these families, trust and honesty are the first casualties.
Wherever individuals find themselves on the personal growth spectrum — ranging from emotional malaise, languishing, and recovery; to treading water, coasting; to evolution and flourishing — every person has the freedom to decide: “Do I remain stuck at my current level of development, or do I make a commitment to move forward from here?”
About the Author
Tom Ersin has been a full-time health and well-being writer/editor for the past dozen years. He’s a former Certified Alcohol and Drug Counselor (CADC) and mental health professional who has worked in outpatient and inpatient settings in Michigan and California. Ersin’s experience comprises work in the fields of clinical therapy and chemical dependency treatment. He has a comprehensive familiarity with both sides of the counselor-client relationship within individual, couples, and family therapy. Email him at tom@graniteword.com.
